What is currere? In the Latin “currere” literally means, “The course to be run.” The implication of this phrase is to denote the running (or lived experience) of the course. Currere is an autobiographical method providing a strategy for self-study. In telling your story, you are examining your own inquiries about education, the standards, benchmarks, and theories of curriculum and pedagogy (teaching & learning).
In the following currere, I will share my life-changing course that has been run, as well as the future course to aspire. In order for my currere to make sense to me, and I hope to you, I have divided it into three life adventures: Pre-Career Currere, Career-Bound Currere, and Re-awakening Currere. Each has it’s own lived experiences that have influenced my decision-making as an educator, but more importantly, each has it own set of empowerment tools which helped me with traveling through, around, in, out and over obstacles and paths of ethical passions for the educational and democratic life.
During the pre-career currere, the early years were instrumental to exploring, and even though growing up was so hard to do, I knew at a very early age that what I wanted was to become a teacher. I did what every girl did during the days of sandlot baseball that only boys could play. I played school. I was good at playing school. All of the stuffed animals, dolls, and my baby sister thought so. We played for hours, and every lesson was fun because we used our creativity to make sure that we were learning something new. My philosophy about this early age (before second grade) sets the tone for the many years of working with very young children. I loved school. I loved playing school. And I loved what school did for me as a person. It helped me to learn. It helped me to become the person that I am today.
I had strong family support – a nurturing father, who loved kids; strong independent mother, who was a workaholic; but both had strong work ethics and family values. This gave me the basis for how I would foresee teaching with young children. There were roadblocks. When I was five an uncle, my aunt’s husband, who was a prisoner in WWII, much respected in the family, molested me. It was just a touch, but enough for a five year old to know that it was not right. I managed to get away from him before it went any further, and made sure that I was never alone in a room with him again. But how did I know that it was wrong? I was lucky. Many children cannot get away. But this memory has stayed with me all my life. I never told anyone. Who would believe a five-year old anyway? Aside from this, kindergarten and first-grade, as I remember them, exemplified what school should be like. In those days (don’t you just hate it when someone says that), kindergarten and first-grade were probably comparable to preschool is now. It was fun. We played games. We learned rules, rituals, routines, and that school was meaningful to us. As I mentioned, this was the early years, before second grade, then along came more roadblocks.Did I mention that I attended a Catholic school? Not that all parochial schools were this detrimental to children, but the one that I attended was definitely demeaning to the growth of the child’s spirit. Another critical incident in my young life that made an impression on me, and how I view education with young children happened in second grade. My teacher, I so lovingly refer to as Sister Mary Tyrant, was to say the least – cruel to children. If you did not know the answer to her questions in the manner that she wanted the answer to be said, she believed in the traditional behaviorist philosophy of punishment, embarrassment, and literally “putting the fear of God” in you. If you did not develop a fear of school in her class so that school became less than a learning, loving, caring, and safe environment, you were probably not human. In second grade, school became something different. Sound familiar? Many schools today have the same set of standards, and I use this term lightly. This will explain how my later school years became full of fear of failure. Educators, because of a lack of understanding of whom children are, have become the Sister Mary Tyrants of the world. What a shame, we truly can say it is the shame of the nation to consider what schools do to children. Can you see a pattern here as to why I chose early childhood as my career focus? We all go into teaching to make a difference.
Let me skip ahead to high school, although many of the teachers that I had in between were very loving, I had difficulty trusting any of the them. Fear runs deep in a child, and the demons follow us through our entire lifetime. Teachers need to know the impression they leave on children. If they only can imagine what scars are left, they would begin to think about what they do and say in the classroom. As I said, in high school just finishing my sophomore year, my guidance counselor calls me into his office to tell me that I was failing the second year of Latin. I was totally aware of this, but it is his job to make you sure of how this will impact your later years. Mind you, this happens so many years ago that you would think about how could I remember exactly what he said, but here is what transpired. He, being Mr. Know-it-all Captain Hook, said, “These grades will not get you into college, so you better drop out of the ‘college-bound’ program and sign up for the ‘business classes’, because you do not have what it takes to go to college. You might as well become someone’s secretary, because that is all you will do with yourself.” Needless to say, I was stunned. I told my parents what he said, and since they could not afford to send me to college anyway, they somewhat agreed. Being the dutiful ‘girl and daughter’ that I was, I dropped out of the ‘college-bound’ classes, and enrolled in the business classes. True, I learned a lot about being ‘someone’s secretary’ but it was not what I wanted. I was miserable. On graduation day dressed in cap and gown, with diploma in hand, I walked up to my parents, and very assertively, stated, “No one can tell me that I cannot go to college.” And since my parents could not afford to send me to a four-year university, I went to a community college taking basic courses, building up my grades, learning how to be a good student again, building confidence, learning to trust myself, my instincts, and striving for becoming a teacher who will treat children with the respect that they deserve.
After three years working my way through the courses, and saving every penny that I made working several different jobs, both on and off campus, I was accepted at a four-year university. After working another three years in the education program, I graduated with a fairly high GPA, not a four-point, but close, I graduated, and wanted to go back to show that counselor that he did not know what he was talking about. How dare he tell any student that they could not go to college? All it takes is perseverance, and a passion. I did not go back. I did not want to stoop to his level, but many years afterward I did go back to tell him he cannot ruin student’s dreams. But it was too late, he had passed away, but I’m sure that he tortured many more students before his demise. I wish I had the courage to tell someone, like I wished that I had the courage to tell someone what my uncle did to me.
I referred to the counselor as Captain Hook, because the character fits him. He was trying to take my love of childhood away from me, and I was Peter Pan. I never wanted to grow up. I look back at my childhood, high school and college years as a Pre-Career Currere, because not only did it shape who I am today, it gave me the incentive to strive for more. As the currere has become an important part of my life journey, I look back and realize if it wasn’t for the critical incidents that occurred in my life, I might not have gone to college. I might not have pursued a career in education. I might have settled for other paths to follow. I’m glad that I was strong enough to struggle. It made me stronger. I made me who I am today.
As my Career-Bound Currere began its journey, there were obstacles both positive and negative that strengthened my pursuit of a life-long educational journey. Peter Pan is my hero. He saved the children. He became an icon. He along with Wendy, Peter, and Michael were able to show me the way. This collaborative nature gives me the strength to continue. Education is a moral obligation, but it is also a social endeavor. To educate is to learn from others not just the teacher, but other children, adults, and nature. This is the way that education should be. For over twenty-five years, I worked with young children, in all capacities, with all ages from birth through age 12. I had become a teacher. But during this time of working 24/7, I had lost the notion of why I was a teacher. I needed some sense of justification. In my spare time, I started teaching adults. Working with my own staff and others, I developed a set of training courses.
At this time in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s, all early childhood staff had to take up to 12 credit hours of in-service training to maintain their jobs. Many grumbled, and I contacted the local agency to find out what staff needed to do. Staff could not afford to pay for classes, and many childcare centers did not have the extra funds to send their employees to classes during the working day. Who would take care of the children? Not only were they telling us that staff had to take classes, they had to pay for the classes, and centers had to hire substitutes to take care of the children during the time the regular staff was away. Where was this money going to come from? I took it upon myself to find out who could teach the classes, what the classes needed to entail, and if the classes could be free. All answers were negotiable. It was whatever the center’s director wanted the staff to learn to keep their jobs, as long as they took the 12 credit hours needed to complete the year’s requirements. By the way this is above and beyond the first aid training, child abuse training, communicable disease training and CPR training that all childcare workers had to renew an a regular basis. For these classes, the center either paid professionals to teach, or in my case, one of my dearest friends is a nurse, and one of the parents at the center that I owned was also a nurse, and they were able to teach the first aid and communicable disease training classes for us free. They needed to teach for their licensing requirements, and we needed the courses. I also found out since I had a bachelor’s degree in education, I could teach the other classes. This is the outlet I was looking for. I met with my staff, asked them what they thought they wanted to learn, came up with some general ideas, and created six courses that could give them 2 credit hours for each course, and we could have the classes in the evenings once a month for six months. The officials agreed to my syllabi, and I developed training courses for my staff. The amazing thing was when other centers’ directors in the area called to ask if I could do the same for their staff. We joined forces. With about thirty staff, we took turns having the classes at different centers, and I taught the classes for free. It was my moral obligation. The host center would provide dinner for all of us, and we conducted our sessions for about 2 hours on Thursday evenings. In your face Captain Hook! In your face Sister Mary Tyrant! I am a teacher. But I am also a curriculum leader. Wow!
My philosophy during these years entailed: “If we build it, they will come” from the movie – Field of Dreams. If we change how we evaluate, they will learn, if we understand ourselves as learners, we will understand the children as learners; they will teach us how to teach better. I became an advocate without knowing it. I learned to communicate with stakeholders – how to work collaboratively to teachers, community members, and the agency that directs our actions. Thank goodness for this time wit building supportive communities – a little smoozing goes a long way. Is Sister Mary Tyrant was watching? Guess what, I accompanied university faculty to national conferences. I worked with administrators, sat in on community events, and observed politicking. Am I afraid to advocate – afraid of getting shot down – it is truly a cruel, cruel world – am I better off to stay in the classroom? Naw! No more fooling around – you can’t make me quit – Mr. Know-it-all Counselor – there is no turning back – I can succeed. I have developed a plan – a deliberative plan – a long-term plan for leadership. I am a teacher, a community leader, and a life-long learner.
At this time, I would like to share the final stage of my currere – Re-Awakening Currere, because this is the one that culminates all the years of learning about who I am. This is where the world came crashing down. This is the type of critical incidents that seem to never subside. Within only a few years: my father passed away, my mother-in-law passed away, my husband lost his job, and my childcare business could not sustain our family. My mother needed assistance. My father-in-law needed someone to take care of him, and my husband and family needed the financial support. I sold my center, and fulfilled the empty shoes for the entire family. For the income we needed, I began working for someone else. My career-bound currere took another dramatic turn of events. I was someone’s secretary, or at least worked in offices for several years until the time came for drastic measures. I sure hoped that Captain Hook was not watching. Late at night in my nightmares, I could see his laughing face. I cannot let him win. I cannot give up. I must find a way to find my field of dreams. And I did. After many years of being turned away, because I was over qualified, or could not pass the speed typing class, I was finally interviewed and hired at Kent State University in the college of education as a staff person, working in the office, as a ‘secretary’. I succumbed to my destiny, Captain Hook. You old haunt. But at least I was in the mist of what education meant to me, and at least I could inhale the educational vapors from the faculty who were teaching college students about how to be teachers. I watched, listened, and learned about education again. At least I could say that I was back into the education field, even if I was not the teacher that I used to be. But was I? I became good at my job. I was able to teach others about what I did and how I did it. To a degree, I was still teaching. I assisted faculty, students, and co-workers. To help others is what I yearned for, and I was doing just that. Amazing at how life little detours become paths. I became a teaching person again. Ok, so how is this re-awakening? It is what happened that re-awakened my spirit. After a few years, I applied for the master’s program in early childhood education. The realization of what was missing in all those years of working with young children was the theory – the theories of childhood. It was there all the time, but was put on the back burner in my mind. I know what happens to teachers. What happened to Sister Mary Tyrant, and what happened to Mr. Know-it-all Captain Hook? They lost their spirit for teaching. This is what happens to us all if we do not continue to learn. We need rejuvenation. We need someone to tell us that we are good people. We need to follow the paths of glory and the fields of dreams so that they will come. We are teachers and facilitators. We have an ethical, moral, and social obligation to build communities, to formulate collaboration for a better society.
After finishing a master’s degree, I was still hungry for more. Several faculties convinced me to apply for the C&I doctoral program, and after much hesitation, I did. Lo and behold, I was accepted. Talk about a life changing re-awakening currere journey, this was it. The program has given me the newfound energy to continue to pursue life. After many courses, presentations at conferences, teaching workshops, and teaching early childhood courses part-time, while still maintaining the job in the office, I made another life-changing decision. I applied for a non-tenured track faculty position in the early childhood program, and was accepted. This has become a full circle. Not only have I had the fortunate opportunity to work with children for many years, now I have the unique opportunity to work with pre-service students to becoming teachers in the early childhood field. I am truly blessed. Thank you Sister Mary Tyrant. Thank you Mr. Know-it-all Captain Hook. And yes, even you, uncle. It if was not for all of you who made me who I am, I would not have chosen the paths that I have followed.
In the doctoral program, I have found myself again. I have learned to persevere. I have learned to find my moral fibers again. I have found out that even though we make difficult and struggling choices, we have just that – choices. Choices to learn, choices to advocate, choices to develop a currere and a curriculum leadership plan! We are who we are because of the many critical incidents in our lives. Our lived experiences direct the philosophy that we develop at a young age. Even though we do not know it at the time, we have a spirit – a spirit to find our place.
In fundamentals of curriculum I learned rhyzomatic modalities forever moving in a spiral motion but embedded in a 3S-learning and understanding. Through tiptoeing through the plateaus of face, voice, and heart. Heart of all hearts – arts of inquiry – it has fulfilled a yearning for more. This yearning will never end. It is only a currere moment. All teachable moments are right in front of us every minute of every day. It is the hidden and null curriculum that supports the planned curriculum. In the doctoral program, the Yellow Brick Road isn’t what it used to be – I have hit the road running – and loving every minute of it. This is the spirit of learning, loving, caring, and understanding. It is a coming of age – not literally but spiritually. If you would look at the 3S understanding in this manner, we are: within self – we have a spiritually and emotionally self-understanding – who I am, what I am doing, where I am going; within social – how to make changes in the curriculum for a better democratic life and in building a community, joining forces to collaborate, and find critical colleagues: and within the subject matter understanding – to merge theory, research, and practice to teach and inspire others, like students, to live the good democratic life. This upward journey is the desire – desire to find the space and place of where I belong. There is not time to stop and think about it. Being a doctoral student, you know only total exhaustion – no time to stop, no time to think about it, just to continue to persevere. It is truly a journey. A journey of desire, passion, love and excitement, and once you are in the mist of it, there should not be any turning back. Sister Mary Tyrant and Mr. Know-it-all Captain Hook, you have made me stronger. This is my way of looking, knowing, and feeling about education within my reach and beyond. My currere is a NEVERENDING STORY. How about you?
Did I grow up yet? I will never grow up. The journey is forever – come fly with me.
